World Cup action in the UAE

The World Cup comes around every four years and coincidentally, it's the same exact time many American sports fans like to...

A) hate on soccer
B) get on the bandwagon
C) become completely mystified about why the US team does not win every single game, just proving how ridiculous Americans can sometimes appear to the rest of the world.

One thing we can all agree on is money.

Everyone loves to gamble on the World Cup, right?

But what happens when you live in a country that does not allow gambling?? The UAE never fails to entertain me. So instead of wagering on certain teams, let's just put all our faith in a camel. Check that, I meant a hungry camel looking for a date.

Bare with me here...

Some octopus -- I think his name was Paul -- grabbed headlines in 2010 when it successfully picked random winners at the World Cup in South Africa. His selections actually started to pan out and people made millions.

Two months later, Paul passed away and became sushi. It was such an emotional story.

Fast forward four years.

Since there are not many octopus here in the Middle East, our newspaper The National let a few local racing camels make a few picks ahead of the 2014 tournament.

Credibility was suspect when one of the UAE camels picked Croatia to beat Brazil in the opener. Other erring animals include Flopsy the Kangaroo in Australia, Mani the parakeet in Singapore, Madame Shiva the guinea pig in Switzerland, Pele the piranha in Britain and Big Head the turtle from Brazil.

On an unrelated note, I am going to a friend's going-away party tomorrow at Fanr Restaurant in Abu Dhabi. What is their specialty, you ask? Camel burgers.

Maybe at the next World Cup, they will let Black Angus beef cattle pick some of the winners or how about a few Maine lobsters? It does not matter -- win, lose or draw -- you need to get in my belly! 

Flag football in the desert

When people ask me about the heat here, I always have one decent analogy.

Hold a hairdryer a few inches from your face and that's what it feels like every time you walk outside -- morning, noon or night -- during the summer in Abu Dhabi.

So the temperatures are consistently over 100 degrees Fahrenheit? Big whoop. Instead of hunkering down in the air conditioning, why not put some flags around your waist and get out on the grid iron?

Some office mates and I formed a flag football team for a tournament last month at Zayed Sports City and we went up against five other teams full of overweight, out-of-shape weekend warriors.

Our record? A miserable 0-3.

But we did not sulk. We did not point fingers. And for the record, we had the most wives, girlfriends and female well-wishers on our sideline. We were also the first team inside the bar afterwards. A true indication of winning.

The tournament was such a success that a five-week league has been designed. The games are played at night so it provides a little relief from that blazing sun.

And since our tournament drubbing, our quarterback has taken it upon himself to draw up an offensive game plan that will make Peyton Manning's head spin. We also now have over-sized wristbands with all the plays on it so we are going no-huddle.

The best part is we now have a handful of Emiratis on the team, one of which had never tossed a pigskin before he came to the first practice.

So while the Yanks try not to pass out from heat exhaustion, the fate of the team rests on the locals. These fine gentlemen -- who probably have never heard of Peyton Manning -- have no qualms with the desert heat and because of that, they will surely lead us to glory.