Having a baby in UAE: Baby shower and sunsets

This was the scene atop Le Royal Meridian Hotel inside the Stratos Revolving Lounge in Abu Dhabi over the weekend.

As you can see from the photo, the clouds are back and the temperatures have started to cool. Yes, it is a splendid time of year to be in the capital.

And speaking of living in the UAE, Miranda and I were at our friends' baby shower ready to welcome the country's newest residents when I captured this photo. I suppose I should have been documenting the small sandwiches the ladies had during high tea or the many baby gifts the happy couple received.

But instead, I was drawn to this stunning sunset piercing through those rare Abu Dhabi clouds hovering just above the Corniche.

It was a co-ed baby shower, so we had two parties going on simultaneously. The ladies stayed in the restaurant, took in the views, sipped on tea and relaxed while the young mothers openly breastfeed their new babies. Always a refreshing sight.

Meanwhile, the lads retired downstairs to PJ O'Reillys Irish Pub, where we waited out the feminine festivities, huddled around the bar and tried to keep our alcohol intake at an appropriate level. The party started at 2pm. Day beers are always fun but too many can be destructive when you have a little one to care for (and a wife who has had too much fancy tea).

After an hour or two, the conversation at the upstairs party started to stall while the downstairs party conversation started to slur. Eventually, we combined forces again because someone had to finish off all those egg salad and cheese mini sandwiches that the women wouldn't touch.

And together, we all watched as the happy couple opened their baby gifts and the sun went down on another balmy winter day in the desert.

For any expecting parents in or around the UAE: If you have any direct questions about what it was like to give birth in Abu Dhabi, the different hospital options, doctors, the access to drugs, birth certificate shenanigans, etc. please send me an email (aarongray2337@gmail.com) and I will respond promptly. Trust me, we know what it's like to not get straight-forward answers from trained professionals here. All I can do is tell you exactly how our situation played out and offer my wholehearted advice. Cheers.

Gluttony in Abu Dhabi: Grand Central's burger-eating contest

In a world of excessive overindulgence, the consumption of 18 mini hamburgers in 10 minutes seemed like mere child's play.

So when RJ Mickelson saw a little piece of paper inside his Grand Central burger order that advertised an upcoming burger-eating contest in Abu Dhabi, the proverbial "all-you-can-eat" light illuminated in his mind and his heart melted like that little piece of processed cheese stuck to the interior of a burger takeout wrapper.

The offer of a Dh10,000 grand prize for the winner was also enticing. As RJ slowly consumed his lone burger that night, he stared intently at the contest advertisement and then started to dream of all the burgers he could order from Grand Central with an extra 10 grand in his pocket. 

"It's all about the Benjamins," RJ said when asked why he would participate in such an un-nerving display of gluttony on a public stage. 

When he was told that Benjamin Franklin (one of the United States' founding fathers who he had just eluded to) does not actually appear on the UAE dirham, RJ just stuffed another mini burger into his mouth and quickly changed the subject.

With two weeks to go before he big competition, RJ needed just three things: 

- a stringent training schedule of over-eating and timed overindulgence
- an outstanding coach, who would lead him to glory and utter prestige

- and lastly, a picture of the previous year's champion that he could tape to his mirror and stare at each morning as a motivational tool, like what Sylvester Stallone did with the Russian in Rocky IV

RJ is a professional colleague of mine, we share a trusted association on a personal level and we play squash twice a week together. I even dressed up like him for Halloween. No joke. I wore the costume to his house, while he threw a Halloween party.

It was safe to say that I know this man so naturally, I assumed the role of coach.

But with less than a week before the contest -- and despite my galvanizing suggestion of putting the champion's photo on his mirror ...  yes, that was totally my idea -- he vehemently denied to our friends that I was his competitive-eating coach and I was immediately downgraded to practice timer.

Before I knew it, his wife took over head coaching duties while we sat inside the break room at our office and I videotaped him while he devoured countless mini burgers. All of this under the watchful eye of the stopwatch on my cell phone.

"Every second matters," he said. Words spoken by a true champion.

For me, it was a very tough job. Imagine sitting through 5- and 10-minute increments with no one to talk to because the only other human being in the room was slowing killing himself by ingesting bread buns dipped in water and mashed-up ground beef. And he did this at a very alarming rate.

Oh, and the sounds? That dude gagged and gulped and fought off the vomit that was constantly creeping up his throat. And during the entire ordeal, I had to keep a cell phone video frame focused on all the carnage. It was horrible.

But after all the arduous practice and those back-breaking training sessions (I think we did it twice), RJ was ready to show the world what we already knew in our hearts: that he was a burger-eating champion.

When we arrived at the contest, you could tell we both were a little nervous.

Some of the finest eaters from Abu Dhabi were in our presence and you smell the gluttony in the air.

Like any true champion, RJ admitted to a few pre-match butterflies. Plus, he had not eaten anything during the previous few days as per my suggestion. Indeed, fasting was the only way to go. It was an over-eating tactic that I knew would serve RJ well in the latter parts of the contest.

Damn, I was such a good coach.

The mood turned sour quickly when RJ immediately got in an argument with the judge that was assigned to watch him. Something to do about how RJ had requested lowfat vegan meat for his burgers. The judge was not going to comply.

"We already cooked up the burgers -- you're going have to eat them like everyone else," said the judge, who was not amused at all by RJ's last-second request.

They shared a few fierce stares before I yelled something like: "RJ, save the intimidation methods we talked about for the actual competitors. Leave the judge alone."

I then slipped the judge Dh50 very discretely and he reciprocated with a sly wink.

Only the best coaches in the world can recognize when their athletes have already been out-classed and the only way to contend was by cheating. Good thing the judges did not do any drug testing. RJ did not know this but I had secretly injected each of training burgers he consumed with steroids.

Unfortunately, I could not buy off the kitchen staff.

I asked them "to put a little something nice" in the other competitors' burgers to give RJ an edge. They were very confused by my ploy and gave me sort of a blank stare when I asked again. Then, when I pulled out my camera, they knew what to do.

Based on their interesting hand signals, I could only assume there were a few gang members in the bunch so I didn't want to use force. It quickly became apparent to me that cheating was out of the equation and this would have to be a clean victory if RJ was going to stand tall among them all.

So the stage was set, RJ had his puke bucket ready, the crowd had gathered for this true test of athleticism and over-eating was about to begin.

RJ got off to a very fast start. But he was up against a tough group of veterans in this competition. As all of them had money signs dancing in their heads, it was that infamous and inevitable vomit that had to be held off. You know, that natural reaction your body produces when you have eaten entirely too much food in a very short window of time...

Well, that was the name of the game at Grand Central in Abu Dhabi that day.

I can tell you now that true champions emerged and immense glory was achieved. Blood, sweat and tears had gone into this contest and only the finest were still left standing when the final buzzer had sounded.

To find out who hoisted the trophy and took home an over-sized check for their unprecedented ability to overindulge, check out the YouTube video below.

Sorry that it cuts off rather abruptly. I later found out the man behind the lens started to lose his lunch because he saw the actual over-eaters vomit during the height of their gritty and supreme competition. Bon appetit!