No March Madness in the UAE

Let's get one thing straight: when you move to the UAE, the opportunities to view North American sports live at your house, streaming it online or watching in a bar (Oh, how I remember those days) are few and far between.

During the NFL season, I become a sleep-deprived junkie. I can't afford to get serious about baseball until September. The NBA action is only thinkable after Christmas when they start to show the daytime triple-headers on Sunday. As for the NHL? Well, who really watches ice hockey anyway??

My sanity can be sacrificed in an attempt to follow my top teams back home. I am willing and able to do so. But one sport that seems to always fall by the wayside while living in the UAE is men's college hoops.

Sure my office does a March Madness pool. I was hired in late December two years ago so when I won the whole thing while still holding 'fucking new guy' status, my new colleagues were not too impressed. Plus, I was unaware of the tradition that the office winner was supposed to buy pizza for the staff one night.

Oh no, I took the money and laughed all the way to the Abu Dhabi Commercial Bank.



But during my younger years, I remember so many tournaments when I combed over my brackets and would put my expertise and knowledge of the game on the line. Countless hours spent watching SportsCenter highlights during the winter came down to one faithful day in mid-March when I would select a winner. It was great fun and I was good at it.

This year, you might as well have put me in that group of aloof office women, who pick the winners based solely on school colors or how cute the team mascot was.

Just to prove the parity between the former seasoned sports fans (aka Expat men) and girls who watch 'for the commercials and to see what the cheerleaders are wearing' in this year's pool: After the Sweet 16, there are three women atop the office standings.

One of these women asked me -- before she picked her brackets -- if LeBron James was still playing. The second woman said she basically took the higher seed in every single match-up until the Final Four and then she just flipped a coin. The third woman happens to be my wife Miranda, who did not know she entered the pool until a copy of her selections magically appeared on our refrigerator a few hours before the tournament tipped off.

So the women are currently in the top three spots. I am sitting in 17th place. For shame.

But there is nothing to fear and only riches to gain if Wisconsin brings it home. I knew of Kentucky's ridiculous win streak before the tourney but I -- ehh, I mean Miranda -- had a hunch about those Badgers. Plus, it's her home state so are we talking about fate here?

If they can clip the Wildcats and drown Duke or Gonzaga in the final, then for the second time in three years, I ... ehh, WE will be the big winners. It will allow me to laugh again, start the slow, victorious walk back to ADCB and buy myself a nice slice of pizza.

For the real losers in any March Madness office pool are the participants who can not actually watch any of the games during the regular season and therefore, cannot make informative selections on their tournament brackets. Trust me. It's a proven formula.

Feeling lucky? I know Miranda is. Go Badgers.