Barber shop or gents salon?

Ever since I stopped hiking the Appalachian Trail in 2009, I have proudly sported a beard and mustache. So when news got around to my friends that I was moving to the Middle East, the first response from the witty ones was that I would fit right in because of my facial hair preference.

Well, I have to admit it: they were right.

I am not a big fan of racially or regionally profiling someone just based on their appearance. But it works for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), a federal agency with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, so it must be OK. Right?

Why do most Middle Eastern men sport the beard? I threw the question toward one of The National columnists, Ali Al Saloom, and after a lot of back-and-forth, this is what he came up with...

"We relate it to wisdom, because religious figures in all the religions are known for their beards: the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) and also the prophets Moses and Jesus. If I shaved my beard off, my family and friends wouldn't turn against me, but they would probably tease me to let me know of their disapproval, even if it looks good, which I'm sure it does since I'm so handsome. That said, I've had a beard since I could grow one."

In a land where mustache whiskers are evident on most elementary school children, the gents salon reigns supreme.

So there are a couple shops at the bottom of my building, which is actually pretty cool. There are a few coffee spots (including Starbucks), a burger joint, a place for women to buy the most lavish and stylish abayas and then there's also the almighty gents salon.

What exactly is a gents salon? I guess you could call it the UAE's equivalent to Sportclips but instead of sports on the TVs, they are usually watching some daytime soap that I can't even understand because it's in Arabic. Instead of cute ladies wearing matching referee jerseys cutting and massaging your head, they have Arab men that say, "Sure boss -- no problem" to anything you ask them.

Think of it like a refurbished old-school American barber shop from the 1950's with old men hanging around and a checkered floor. But in the UAE, the beards get more attention than the actual hair on your head.

These days, I've noticed the facial hair style among most Emiratis tends to be very short and neat. Straight lines with plenty of attention to detail.

Back at my building, there are three guys -- all Syrians -- that work at the gents salon and we are all on a 'waving hello' basis every time I walk by, which gives me crazy street credit. Though all three have shaved and shaped my facial hair at one time or another, my favorite is Ali as we have developed a budding friendship.

I love talking with people from different parts of the world and there is no better time to chat than when a Syrian man is holding a long blade next to your neck.

We have discussed my wedding, the weather and local sports. But I have not brought up the situation in Syria just yet. Though I desperately want to get his opinion on the crisis, I want to be respectful.

Most times, when I walk by and there is no one in their shop, I usually see them on Skype presumably chatting with their loved ones back home. Like most people working in this country, they are saving their earnings to support a family.

But me? I'm just blowing my money on expensive face shaves and Starbucks coffee. And those are the debts I incur before I even leave my building. You should see what happens when I go to the mall, where most of women working in the shops stare at me because they think I am an Emirati just based on my snazzy beard trim.  

Hosting friends in the UAE

When I lived in the sunny Caribbean, my house had a revolving door as friends, relatives (and some times, people I barely even knew) came for festive visits. They would come for a few days or maybe a week. One or two of my drifter buddies -- I won't name any names -- even tried to move in and play that infamous role of the guy on the couch.

I took it as a sign of my amazing hosting ability.

But after three years of countless visitors in the Virgin Islands, the steady flow of couch surfers came to a screeching halt as soon as I moved to Abu Dhabi. For shame.

In the 13 months we have lived in the UAE, only one man has actually stepped up to the plate and made good on a Middle East adventure visit. That man, who is highly-recognized across the globe, is none other that Sir Hensley of St. Croix.

On his way back to the States following a two-week bender in India, the 'Crucian Swimming Sensation' as he is also known, made a three-day stop in the desert and I think his life was changed forever.

I was so excited for his visit, I took two days off of work and pretended to be a bright-eyed tourist for the weekend so we could see all the sights together.

This wasn't your typical international bromance excursion. We drank the finest spirits, indulged in the best cuisine and even made the 123-story trek up the tallest building in the world. It was all the cool stuff I have been wanting to do since I moved here. But I guess I just never really had the motivation.

The photo below documents when Hensley got yelled at for wearing too many clothes at the Corniche. No joke. In a Muslim country, Hensley was reprimanded because he put his foot in the water while wearing jeans. That is the security guard in the background. Hensley was very perplexed.

But he quickly got over one of the many blatant contradictions in this country and settled in for a delightful lunch on Saadiyat Island. At Fanr Restaurant, next to where they are building Abu Dhabi's Louvre Museum, we enjoyed afternoon beers under the sun and munched on camel burgers.

Yes, you heard me right: we ate camel burgers.

It was delicious. Tasted like lamb -- which is usually what is in the burgers here -- but it had some undertones of meatloaf in it. All of the camel burgers, our faithful waiter said, are served well done.

From there, we moved on to visit Miranda at her work, the Fairmont Bab Al Bahr Hotel, for a few more poolside cocktails. Look at Hensley here. So happy to explore.

A quick visit to the Souk Qaryat Al Beri for some sushi was followed by some live music at the Jazz Bar and then a sophisticated trip to Heroes, a self-described 'scruffy sports bar' popular with Expats. Only the finest people in this fair city regularly visit Heroes. As we left later that night, I shook hands with each of the doormen and the front register girl and exclaimed 'Best bar in Abu Dhabi!' Fortunately, they did not sense a whiff on my sarcasm.

We didn't stop there. The next day was dominated by a boozy brunch in Dubai followed by a trip to the top of the Burj Khalifa.

Shortly after, Hensley was on a plane and back in America before he even knew what hit him. Cheers, old mate! It was an honor hosting our first stateside visitor. Your certificate will be arriving in the mail in 7-10 business days.

And if you or anyone you know would like to follow in Hensley's footsteps and make a visit to the fine country we call the United Arab Emirates, please send a self-addressed envelope to:

AARON GRAY
Finest Expat Host in the UAE, Inc.
PO Box 111434
Abu Dhabi

Ask Hensley for yourself: Middle East adventures of the highest caliber await.

Fireworks for New Year's Eve

The over-the-top city of Dubai snuck in the back door and jumped onto the world stage again last week when she set the Guinness World Record for the largest firework display. It all went down on the joyous occasion of New Year's Eve.

Back in the States, I used to work in one of those obnoxious tents on the side of highways that sold over-priced fountain fireworks to kids on the Fourth of July. Yes, not only was that just a little tidbit of information which should help you rest easy at night but it also proves that I know what I'm talking about.

Fireworks are cool. New Year's Eve is cool. Why not combine the two?

Thanks to the good people at The National, you can see video footage of all the firework action from Dubai. And of course, the tallest building in the world, the Burg Khalifa, got in on the party.

Miranda and I had plans to usher in the New Year by going to Dubai for the celebration. There were so many things to choose from: Vanilla Ice was in town while DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince had an on-stage reunion in front of Dubai revelers.

Memo to all washed-up entertainers from the 1990's: I know, it's been more than 20 years. Sure, money is thin these days. But you know where a solid payday is always waiting for you? You guessed it.

At the very last second, we hit the brakes on our Dubai aspirations because of vague precautions and 'been there, done that' advice from some of our closest colleagues.

During past NYE celebrations in Dubai, it was told to us that roads completely shut down but the streets were still packed ... with human traffic. Getting around the city is next to impossible as everything crawls to a halt.

"Can't handle the influx -- it's been that way for years," one seasoned co-worker told me.

"Read my lips," said another. "Do not go to Dubai on New Year's. I don't have to explain myself."

Harsh criticism from some good people. We took their words to heart and then added in the whole Guinness World Record factor. For the first time in a while, we thought with our heads and did not give in to our shared appetite for destruction.

It turned out to be the right call. Check out this video of the shenanigans as The Sandance concert with Paul Oakenfold was a disaster because people could not get to the actual show. Plenty of other logistical horror stories were reported. In Dubai, frustration ran high that night for a lot of people.

As for us, we started our makeshift evening back in Abu Dhabi by crashing a NYE party at our favorite restaurant, Le Beaujolais. Just because the center table had a 'Reserved' sign on it did not stop us as a quick wink to our favorite restaurant host sealed the deal.

"We can't say no to you," said Buddy, Le Beaujolais wait staff manager, who participated in an impromptu conga line with us during our last visit to his establishment.

Yes, that is a beautiful lady next to me. And in case you were wondering, yes, that is a scarf around my neck. No one ever questions a man wearing a scarf about his dinner reservation.

We feasted like kings and then made our way to the Yacht Club at the InterContinental Hotel. For a minimal fee paid in advance, we sipped champagne for the rest of the evening and danced as a few shots of tequila were snuck in there somehow.

It was a splendid way to bring in the New Year. Plenty of good times, no stress and I almost forgot, Abu Dhabi managed to shoot off a few fireworks, too.

Sure they were a little more subdued and did not gain international headlines. But unlike the action-packed amusement park that is Dubai, the festivities in Abu Dhabi were quaint and lovely. Which is how I would compare the two cities on many fronts.