The UAE is an interesting place

When I talk with friends back in the States, they always have so many questions about the UAE. What is the cost of living? How conservative is the government? Do you want fries with that??

It is almost impossible to fully paint the picture of a new place unless you come and experience it for yourself. Everyone knows that, right? So my short answer to the many inquires is "it is an interesting place."

And it is. A quick glance through our daily newspaper The National will always prove that. Just last week, you could read these three headlines in the local news section:

Abu Dhabi police arrest 231 beggars during Ramadan

OK, pretty harsh but what about this one...

UAE road safety: even giving away child seats for free failed

For some reason, despite all conventional wisdom, UAE parents believe that it is safer for a child to be held in an adult's arms while riding in a car, that child seats are unnecessary or 'heartless', and they take up too much space in the car. Wow. Two thumbs up.

UAE plans to send unmanned probe to Mars by 2021

So this means when the country is not busy arresting beggars or letting toddlers run amok in the back seat of a moving vehicle, they like to develop billion-dirham space operations in their spare time. Fascinating.

This, my friend, is the UAE.

A day at the camel race track

For a few years, while I lived outside of Baltimore, I took part in the annual shenanigans that surround the Preakness at Pimlico Racetrack. The second jewel of the country's Triple Crown was usually a drinking all-star game for the misfits who pillage in that fair city.

The horse races were held last weekend -- anyone drinking at the infield party probably didn't see any of the action -- but it got me thinking about the racing action back here in the UAE. This country's biggest horse racing event is the Dubai World Cup and is actually the highest paid race in the world as the winner walks away with a check for $10 million.

There are other kinds of racing the region has also been known for. When I first moved here, I learned quickly of the competitive camel races held in the outskirts of Abu Dhabi simply by turning on the TV.

It wasn't long before I joined up with some other thrill-seekers and journeyed out in the middle of desert to see ridiculous camel racing in person. Our debut was ill timed...

It was 7.15 in the morning and after several hard stares by some of the finest camel racing juggernauts in the business, we decided to drive around the infield looking for a good party. You know, just like Pimlico. I figured it would be no time at all before we ran into a gaggle of drunks tailgating for the main race. 

Unfortunately, we did not find that. We actually found nothing at all. In fact, we were lost. At a camel race. In the middle of the freaking desert.

So like the good people we are, we tried to make friends...

This camel jockey gentleman gave Kristen directions that seemed very clear at the time. We got more than five hand movements or gestures, so it was a clear indication that we were very close.

Almost a half-hour later, we found the spectator venue for the races and looked around for a scalper so we could buy tickets. It was Thursday but I still expected a sell-out crowd for such a riveting display of sport...

I did not place any bets for the same reason I didn't crack open a beer. The fine people who run this country feel it is not proper and therefore, it's illegal. 

But recklessly driving your SUV alongside a race track and pushing the button on a remote control so a mechanism slaps the back of your racing camel is common practice.

Before they had the little slapping machines atop the camels, they used little children as jockeys so don't get me started about the inhuman things they did to those kids. That's a story for another day. Until then, cheers to all the horses in America and abroad but I think it's obvious that camel racing is the world's premier racing sport.

Camel racing on television

Who needs to wake up at 4 a.m. to watch the 49ers and Packers duel in the NFL playoffs when I have primetime camel racing on TV?

Yes, it's true. They race camels here.

I have not been to a live race yet but I plan to go in the very near future. However, I've been told that at these desert races, two things are suspiciously absent: gambling and booze. Both of which are frowned upon in the Muslim faith.

Check out all the guys driving outside the track in their SUVs. You mean to tell me they are just soaking up all the sober fun with no money on the line? Very confusing.

Do you hear how excited the announcer is? The music in the background??

So hilarious.