Adventures in Cyprus

Living in the UAE puts you right in the middle of the world. Literally. Places we would not have dreamed of visiting while we lived in the States are now in the palm of our hand.

Sri Lanka, Kenya, Turkey... the list goes on and on.

So when my lovely wife had a small window of time in between starting her new job, we packed our bags, booked some cheap flights and zipped out of the sweaty desert for a few days.

When we first touched down in the Mediterranean island of Cyrpus, it looked like a Euro-trash Spring Break party straight out of the trailer park. Thirsty and mischievous teenagers crammed the passport arrival check-in desk. Backwards hats were everywhere.

Luckily, all those young hooligans got on a bus to Ayia Nappa and were never seen again. I'm sure that's a great part of the island but my wife and I just wanted to chill out. Entering a wet T-shirt contest or bonging a bottle of Jagermeister was not on our itinerary.

Instead, we sipped white wine and watched the world go by from quaint cafes in Nicosia. We strolled the marina in Kyrenia and did our best to shun aggressive locals trying to get us on their cruise boat. We gawked at sun-burned tourists in Paphos and melted together while watching the sunset.

It was the perfect getaway. And to spend that time with someone you love makes it even more special.

She is quite lovely. A perfect traveling companion.

I like her because she is always down to try anything. That includes the local cuisine.

Everyone loves to eat well while on vacation and we were no different. There were strong Greek and Turkish influences, fresh mezze with every meal and did I mention the wine?

And of course, some hilarious things happened, too.

I was shocked when I realized that in Cyrpus, they drive on the left side and the wheel is on the right side. I found that out as soon as I walked off the plane and approached the Budget rental car desk. That took a few days getting used to as I ripped our little compact car through the mountains.

On the Greek side of the island, most of the signs had English translations. The Turks, on the other hand, don't give a shit so we got lost while driving. Quite often.

When we asked for directions after crossing the border, the agent asked me a question in Turkish -- more than once -- and when I did not have a Turkish response for him, he decided to search our car and all our belongings. It was very strange.

For some reason, people assumed I was Turkish. It must be the nose. Or my beard? As long as I did not speak, my street credit was solid. But the gig never lasted very long.

To watch the US-Belgium match in the World Cup, we confidently strolled up to some dingy bar on the strip in Paphos and the manager thought he recognized us so he awarded us with two free shots just for walking into his bar. It was actually a very official welcome. He wrote down Two Free Shots on a scrap piece of paper, handed it to me and showed us to our table.

During another boozy encounter, while slugging watered-down Tequila shots at a pool bar in Paphos, a teenage bartender asked us with a serious face, "Why are you guys even here?" I was taken aback by her honesty. I think she was hinting that we were staying at a family resort and no one had ordered Jose Cuervo at that bar since 1995.

The best part of our trip was when we drove up the Karpaz Peninsula (in the red box below). Everyone we talked to asked us why we would take such a long excursion and advised us that it would be boring. We found it to be the best day of the entire trip.

We would just pull off the road at random times to take in the sights and stop and these little beach bars. If we had done better research, we would have stayed a least one night at the Big Sand Beach Bungalows. We stopped in for a beer and good conversation.

No need to describe the place. Just check out their video:



Along the peninsula, it was nothing but amazing scenery, quiet landscapes and some skinny-dipping in broad daylight (Sorry, no pictures). That basically checks all my boxes for a good vacation.

Cyprus is an interesting island with a very divided history. Now I finally understand why my good friend from high school, Alexi, who comes from a strong Greek family, absolutely despises Turkey.

Sometimes, you just have to go to places and figure it out for yourself.

Cheers, Alexi.

Yes, you CAN drink alcohol in the UAE

DISCLAIMER: We here at the Soggy Dirhams blog do not condone, participate or encourage excessive consumption of alcohol. We are not booze hounds. We are not sloppy. We do abide by all the strict alcohol regulations and rules in the United Arab Emirates and hold the utmost respect for those who enforce them. The purpose of this post is to prove to people living outside the Emirates that some of the far-fetched rumors they have heard about living here are indeed false. And on that note, Salud!

When my father caught wind of my plans to move to the UAE, he thought I was a little crazy. He said, "Son, there are two things they do not have over there: Women and booze. And I know you like both of those things..."

I love my dad and I always listen carefully to his words. But he was incorrect in that assesment for two reasons. Number 1) I am now happily married and I only have eyes for my beautiful wife. Isn't she gorgeous?

And Number 2) There is access to any type of alcohol you can think of in this country and even a few that are illegal in the West. But before I get ahead of myself, I can not stress this point enough: If you are caught drinking and driving here, even if a tiny drop of alcohol is in your system, YOU WILL GO TO JAIL FOR A VERY LONG TIME. If you come to visit or are thinking of re-locating here, it's just like going to any other country: please be conscience of their laws and regulations.

There are different bars and pubs in all of the hotels -- there are many across the UAE -- while you are also allowed to drink at your home, certain public sporting events and concerts and of course, at boozy brunch. Don't forget about the liquor stores, which usually close around 9pm daily.

Let's start with the pubs. There are many in Abu Dhabi and most stay open until 2 or 3am on the weekends. Just like where YOU live, right? As they are popular spots among Expats, the prices for drinks may get up in the stratosphere and the bartenders are usually clueless.

But sometimes, you will find that one gem and keep going back for more.

I have one qualm about bars here. Back in the States, like many people, I would generally go to certain pubs based on who is tending bar or if my friend was slinging the suds. Let's be honest, the best bartenders are usually the most experienced and knowledagle drinkers we know.

In the UAE, I guess bartending is not a very lucrative gig for Westerners so the industry usually attracts booze slingers from a junior-varsity team of mixologists. I have not received a drinkable martini since I moved here and good luck if you want a round of shots chilled.

The worst part is that the concept of visiting a friend's bar and going there just to see them is completely lost here. You know the song: Where everyboy knows your name...
Well, not in the UAE. Sigh.

Ahh, the boozy brunch. It is exactly what you think. And for a small price, every Friday, you can dine with the best of them as the all-you-can-drink champagne flows like water. Miranda and I have hit brunch at several hotels in Dubai and Abu Dhabi and every time we go, it never disappoints.

One law in the UAE that may seem different is that because this is a Muslim country and Muslims do not drink alcohol, non-Muslim residents need to have a liquor license in order to purchase it at a store or drink at home.

The access at my local liquor store is pretty solid as cases of beer are stacked to the cieling while different wines, hard liquor and even drinks that apparently make you hallucinate are available for purchase.

Walking out of the liqour store after a recent splurge, I decided to throw out my best Nicholas Cage impression from Leaving Las Vegas.

You know, Sin City and Abu Dhabi... Very similiar places.

As you can see, when you buy alcohol here, they put the bottles in a thick, black plastic bag as to not reveal to Muslims what you are carrying. As if the recognizable booze body bag doesn't give it away.

On more than one occasion, I have flagged down a cab but when they saw what I was carrying, they refused to give me a ride. The drivers, both times, were Muslims and didn't even want the alcohol in the trunk of their cab.

Drinking with friends and family at home is my favorite because we have a pretty cool balcony and there are no bars in this town that will show NFL games. And if there were two -- make that three things -- I would not compromise after moving to the UAE, it would be my woman, my booze and my football. Cheers.