How to buy a car in the UAE?

It does not matter how much money you make here, your social agenda or your stance on muffler exhaust, emissions and the environment.

Because one thing is for certain: there is no short answer to the question of whether you should or should not buy a car while living in the UAE.

When we first arrived here, we rented a basic sedan from a company called Fast Car, which has offices in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. Pretty cheap deals for long-term rentals but their customer service was soft and I had more than one disagreement with the manager at the Airport Road office. For the record, he's a complete ass.

When it comes down to do it, I really believe that taxis in Abu Dhabi are pretty great. They are abundant, work around the clock and best of all, they are pretty affordable (compared to most major metropolitan cities I have visited).

I would say if you are a single male or female and you are here for the next year or so, the taxis are your best friend and -- unless a car is provided for you by your job -- then you should be pretty set.

But for our situation, my wife and I work almost opposite schedules and we both need transportation. She needs to be a little bit more mobile because her job in the hotel & hospitality industry requires her presence for meetings around town during the day along with some social events during and after work as well.

As for me? This is the first time in my journalism career where I arrive at the office at 4pm and leave around midnight just about every night. Standard. Straight forward.

Between us, we needed to have at least one set of our own wheels. We needed to have that freedom. Especially on the weekends when we just decide, on a whim, to drive to Dubai or something like that.

So after renting for nearly 18 months and feeling pretty confident about our immediate future here, we realized it was time to stop throwing our money away and buy a vehicle.

There are a lot of amazing cars on the roads here (and gas is very cheap) so it's important not to get sucked up by all the eye candy.

Some other big issues for us were that we wanted something affordable and big enough to comfortably fit my 6-foot-2 frame. Because this is such a transitional place, re-sell value was also high on our list. Because let's face it, you never know when it's time to take off and sell everything that's not tied down.

So our first instinct was to buy new. The timing worked out well because we also thought we could take advantage of the Ramadan deals that were floating around. Only problem was even though the Ramadan deals were in full effect, the showroom hours were completely whack because well, it was Ramadan.

For the longest time, I was really just holding out and hoping someone at my office would need to leave in a hurry and a sweet deal would just fall into my lap. Never happened.

A friend of mine took us out to the Motor World, which is in Al Shamkha, just outside of Abu Dhabi in the middle of the desert. They had all types of used cars there for sale but if you don't like dirty people barking at you because you look like a potential buyer, then don't waste your time.

Finally, we took the very popular route and logged on to Dubizzle, which for you Stateside folk, is the equivalent of Craig's List here. This is where people sell their cars privately. But it can also be shady because, let's face it, people are shady sometimes.

But we got lucky and found this sweet lady, Loridana, who was from Italy and was trying to sell her 2011 Kia Sportage.

It checked all our boxes, the price was right and when we took it out for a test drive, we learned she only drove it around town a few times a week. So it had only 24,000 kilometers on it. Boom!

She later had us up to her apartment to sip on some Irish whiskey (in the middle of the day, mind you) so we could get to know one another and talk some business. Of course, I'm an American and I just wanted to get down to brass tacks. OK lady, how much?

But every time I started to get antsy inside this random person's home, my wife subtly elbowed me in the ribs and whispered, "This is how some people do business. Just shut up and drink your whiskey..."

Eventually, we struck a deal. But that was only half the battle.

Next up was switching the insurance and registration over. A few days later, I met Loridana at a nearby mall and like we were old friends or something, just took a relaxing Sunday drive together to the Department of Transportation. What a fine place it was.

While Loridana spoke Arabic to the workers there  -- thank goodness she knew Arabic -- I enjoyed hours of people watching in what I can only describe as a your typical DMV, but with a pulse. Business deals were going down everywhere. Open-market commerce in its rarest form!

It only took a few hours and then it was time to drop off Loridana and drive away in my new car. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Especially when it ends with me giving her a very fat personal check.

She invited me up again for some more whiskey but the transaction was complete and I was ready to show off my new wheels.

It was one of the rare times I would pass up a strong drink offer from a stranger.

P.S. Don't drink and drive.

Hosting weary travelers in Dubai

It's my esteemed pleasure to introduce you to John Townsend and Matt Cerny.

These two crazy bastards are old friends from my St. Thomas days and they are on a fantastic journey. An adventure that is the Mongol Rally 2014, an annual 10,000-mile race across Europe and Asia in a crappy car. All for charity. 

Survival of the fittest in its rarest form. Crazy terrain, different cultures and non-stop fun. They sleep in their car. They munch on coffee beans purely for caffeine assistance. And they are doing the whole thing with a big, fat smile on their faces. 

Click here to see their web site and follow their progress

The guys took a quick detour during the grand trip to go to a friend's wedding in Jordan and had a seven-hour layover in Dubai. Only six hours to see Dubai? Not a problem.

Miranda and I figured they would enjoy some cold beverages -- that was a given -- so we picked them up at the airport and we went straight to Mango Tree, an Asian-fusion restaurant at the base of the world's tallest building, the Burj Khalifa.

The thermometer was over 100 degrees but the beers were cold and the fountain show blessed us with a slight desert breeze every half hour. 

They sweated through their shirts but the scenery was definitely worth the price of admission.

Now I've brought visitors to the top of the Burj Khalifa before with lots of success. But I swear I suffered from some form of vertigo the days afterward so I didn't want that to happen again. Maybe it was camel burger I had for lunch that day? Who knows??

After we returned to the sweetness of air conditioning, we walked through the gaudy Dubai Mall and ended up at Left Bank for more drinks and some classic rock music. 

Next up was a quick visit to the pharmacy so they could grab some traveling drugs: pain relievers, anti-motion sickness, anti-diarrhea and "anti-anything else you think two idiots driving across Asia would need," which is exactly what Matt said to the Indian pharmacist at the counter. 

Later on, we dropped them off at the airport, said our goodbyes and then just like that, they were gone. They came, caught a buzz, broke a sweat, saw some crazy shit and can now cross "Dubai" off their wish list. Six hours. That's all I need, folks. 

You also have to appreciate other like-minded people who love to get out there and experience life. Racing through all these unknown countries armed only with a shrinking wallet, a camera and plenty of moxie? Sounds pretty badass to me. 

Safe travels, guys. Godspeed.

Dragon Mart in Dubai is outstanding

A fellow sports hack at my office, Rich, picked me up at 9.45am on a Wednesday and the plan was to make a flat-out burn through the desert at top speeds. We did not stop until we hit one of the finest establishments this side of the Euphrates River.

They call it the Dragon Mart. 

You see, the Dragon Mart is like a cramped, indoor flea market with a pulse. Asian vendors are packed in there like sardines and they are selling everything from fake crystal chandeliers to white porcelain toilets.

It attracts only the most lucrative patrons and savvy consumers as business is bustling these days. Especially during the Holy Month. Look how busy it was. Standing-room only, wall-to-wall commerce in there...

We traveled to this amazing complex so I could buy a cheap mountain bike. I did some negotiating with the fine gentlemen at UpTen Bikes and even though they swindled me for a broken helmet and some inferior rear lights, I walked away with a new bike and I was ready to roll.

Living in this country, my wife and I have become almost immune to the constant stares from other people when we walk by but the sight of me pushing a new mountain bike, with a child's helmet atop my thunder-dome head drew widespread scrutiny.

But it was OK because I was in good company.

Rich is an outstanding Japanese-American (who loves his beer) so I carried some heavy street credit as we meandered through the narrow walkways of the Dragon Mart. Outdoor plants, sewing machines, heavy-duty drilling equipment? They have it all and then some.

From this aerial view, the actual structure of the building is designed to look like ... well, a dragon, I guess. So be sure to visit this fine establishment the next time you find yourself in Dubai. Good people, great prices and lots of head scratching.

Adventures in Cyprus

Living in the UAE puts you right in the middle of the world. Literally. Places we would not have dreamed of visiting while we lived in the States are now in the palm of our hand.

Sri Lanka, Kenya, Turkey... the list goes on and on.

So when my lovely wife had a small window of time in between starting her new job, we packed our bags, booked some cheap flights and zipped out of the sweaty desert for a few days.

When we first touched down in the Mediterranean island of Cyrpus, it looked like a Euro-trash Spring Break party straight out of the trailer park. Thirsty and mischievous teenagers crammed the passport arrival check-in desk. Backwards hats were everywhere.

Luckily, all those young hooligans got on a bus to Ayia Nappa and were never seen again. I'm sure that's a great part of the island but my wife and I just wanted to chill out. Entering a wet T-shirt contest or bonging a bottle of Jagermeister was not on our itinerary.

Instead, we sipped white wine and watched the world go by from quaint cafes in Nicosia. We strolled the marina in Kyrenia and did our best to shun aggressive locals trying to get us on their cruise boat. We gawked at sun-burned tourists in Paphos and melted together while watching the sunset.

It was the perfect getaway. And to spend that time with someone you love makes it even more special.

She is quite lovely. A perfect traveling companion.

I like her because she is always down to try anything. That includes the local cuisine.

Everyone loves to eat well while on vacation and we were no different. There were strong Greek and Turkish influences, fresh mezze with every meal and did I mention the wine?

And of course, some hilarious things happened, too.

I was shocked when I realized that in Cyrpus, they drive on the left side and the wheel is on the right side. I found that out as soon as I walked off the plane and approached the Budget rental car desk. That took a few days getting used to as I ripped our little compact car through the mountains.

On the Greek side of the island, most of the signs had English translations. The Turks, on the other hand, don't give a shit so we got lost while driving. Quite often.

When we asked for directions after crossing the border, the agent asked me a question in Turkish -- more than once -- and when I did not have a Turkish response for him, he decided to search our car and all our belongings. It was very strange.

For some reason, people assumed I was Turkish. It must be the nose. Or my beard? As long as I did not speak, my street credit was solid. But the gig never lasted very long.

To watch the US-Belgium match in the World Cup, we confidently strolled up to some dingy bar on the strip in Paphos and the manager thought he recognized us so he awarded us with two free shots just for walking into his bar. It was actually a very official welcome. He wrote down Two Free Shots on a scrap piece of paper, handed it to me and showed us to our table.

During another boozy encounter, while slugging watered-down Tequila shots at a pool bar in Paphos, a teenage bartender asked us with a serious face, "Why are you guys even here?" I was taken aback by her honesty. I think she was hinting that we were staying at a family resort and no one had ordered Jose Cuervo at that bar since 1995.

The best part of our trip was when we drove up the Karpaz Peninsula (in the red box below). Everyone we talked to asked us why we would take such a long excursion and advised us that it would be boring. We found it to be the best day of the entire trip.

We would just pull off the road at random times to take in the sights and stop and these little beach bars. If we had done better research, we would have stayed a least one night at the Big Sand Beach Bungalows. We stopped in for a beer and good conversation.

No need to describe the place. Just check out their video:



Along the peninsula, it was nothing but amazing scenery, quiet landscapes and some skinny-dipping in broad daylight (Sorry, no pictures). That basically checks all my boxes for a good vacation.

Cyprus is an interesting island with a very divided history. Now I finally understand why my good friend from high school, Alexi, who comes from a strong Greek family, absolutely despises Turkey.

Sometimes, you just have to go to places and figure it out for yourself.

Cheers, Alexi.

The UAE is an interesting place

When I talk with friends back in the States, they always have so many questions about the UAE. What is the cost of living? How conservative is the government? Do you want fries with that??

It is almost impossible to fully paint the picture of a new place unless you come and experience it for yourself. Everyone knows that, right? So my short answer to the many inquires is "it is an interesting place."

And it is. A quick glance through our daily newspaper The National will always prove that. Just last week, you could read these three headlines in the local news section:

Abu Dhabi police arrest 231 beggars during Ramadan

OK, pretty harsh but what about this one...

UAE road safety: even giving away child seats for free failed

For some reason, despite all conventional wisdom, UAE parents believe that it is safer for a child to be held in an adult's arms while riding in a car, that child seats are unnecessary or 'heartless', and they take up too much space in the car. Wow. Two thumbs up.

UAE plans to send unmanned probe to Mars by 2021

So this means when the country is not busy arresting beggars or letting toddlers run amok in the back seat of a moving vehicle, they like to develop billion-dirham space operations in their spare time. Fascinating.

This, my friend, is the UAE.

Watching the World Cup on TV in Abu Dhabi

There are not many solid answers I can provide in a very questionable place like Abu Dhabi but one true opinion I can express (and not get incarcerated for it) is that the people who live within these UAE borders are addicted to football.

It is a healthy addiction. If you take away all the shisha smoke and late nights...

Every four years, when the World Cup rolls around, their addiction can be witnessed in full force at all hours of the night. Ramadan does not get in the way and when there is no where to sit, it is just a simple challenge they will easily overcome. They usually just sit on the ground.

Now picture this: Because of the tournament, I have been getting out of the office between midnight and 1am each night. When something like a hairdryer hits me in the face as I march out the back door and into the steamy darkness, children as young as 9 years old are seen kicking a little soccer ball around a dusty alley nearby. Remember, it's 1 in the morning and these children are impersonating Lionel Messi in the middle of the night without any adult supervision around.

When I cross the street en route to my normal taxi pick-up spot, I pass a rundown shisha lounge that is usually collecting dust during the very stagnate lunch hours. But when the match is on at night -- most World Cup matches start at midnight in the UAE -- there are so many people packed in the lounge that the unlucky ones now have their faces smeared against the front window glass in an attempt to grab just an obstructed view of the television.

Like all the neighborhood shisha lounges sprinkled across Abu Dhabi, they do not serve alcohol so essentially what you have is all Arab men (not a woman in sight) sucking on their own personal shisha hoses while each and every one of them are transfixed on the television. Nothing can be heard but the bubbling sound of a shisha hookah. That, and of course, the exaggerated Arabic TV commentator getting way too excited about a midfield pass sequence.

It is easy to grab a taxi at the corner because everyone who is anyone is already watching the match. The No 1 subject of conversation between myself and the cab driver is, you guessed it, the World Cup. I always ask them who their favorite player is. I always tell myself to tip him extra if he does not mention Messi, Ronaldo or Neymar. I have not been giving out many big tips this month.

During the 10-minute drive to my building, we pass several more establishments showing the action as the local football addiction gets more fierce. At one particular restaurant, they have a projector screen showing the match outside. It's over 100 degrees out. No problem. The people will still come.



Not only will they come, but after they have reached their max and the patio is filled to the brim, a gaggle of day laborers decide it's a good idea to sit and stand on the nearby sidewalk -- only a few feet from a busy four-lane road -- as the only thing between them and the skewed view of the screen is a huge bush. That group of the 'sidewalk watchers', as I like to call them, has been growing in numbers each day this month.

"Crazy place we live in, huh?" I ask the taxi driver, who has to swerve just a bit to avoid one of the addicts. I usually sit in the front seat so I always get a response to local inquiries.

(in broken English) "Where are you from? The States? They don't really like football there. You guys like things like Michael Jordan, McDonald's and ... Israel."

For good reason, the cab ride finished in silence.

When I got to my building, you could see the activity brewing before I even stepped out of the car. I guess I live in more of an upscale place, based on the number of traditional white Emirati gandooras you see packed into the over-priced coffee shops. It's like walking through a sea of white on my way to the elevator.

Once again, nothing can be heard but a few murmurs from the addicts and that Arabic TV commentator, who will probably need a pacemaker before the tournament is over.

My favorite part of the night is when I get to my front door and wonder if my beautiful wife -- a converted football fan for the month -- is still awake or not. On this particular night, she decided to turn in early. But before she retired, she left me a sweet note on the counter and connected my computer to the TV with my favorite hacker sports streaming web site all ready to go.

This is the best way to watch the World Cup. With my feet up on my own couch and the volume turned all the way down so my sweetie can get her beauty sleep. And who really wants to listen to that Arabic TV commentator have a heart attack anyway?