Cost of living

For a country that will put you behind bars for bouncing a check, the collectors in the UAE sure do have a lax approach when you're ready to sign on the dotted line.

I have lived in my one-bedroom apartment on the seventh floor of a 17-story tower since January 15. The first utility bill (electricity and water) came last week and it was super cheap. Almost too cheap.

The first wireless internet and home phone bill also surfaced and just like the utility bill, it was low. I have splurged on a pair of chicken shawarmas for dinner that cost more.

Only problem: I couldn't pay my Abu Dhabi Distribution Company bill using the Internet. What a world?

So when I walked into their office, which was located in the basement parking area of a nearby mall, I took my DMV-style printed ticket and waited in an empty reception room until my number lit up on a digital display that hung above five desks occupied by bored Emirati men.

When I sat down with one of them -- only after my number flashed above his desk -- he was surprised that I had come in to pay such a low bill. I really wanted to set up an auto-pay system so I wouldn't have to spend any more my free time inside a parking lot basement office.

Confused Emirati employee: Why, you have three months to pay this. Why you come today?

Responsible consumer: No, it says right there on the ticket that it's due today. And why couldn't I pay online?

CEE: Oh, the system has been down.

RC: OK, whatever. Can I set up an auto-pay system with you guys?

CEE: No.

RC: Just no? That's it. Wow.

He sort of wiggled his nostrils, scratched his nose and then looked at his compute screen, which was full of Arabic words and esoteric symbols that I would never understand.

He wrote down a phone number on the back of his lunch receipt and pushed it across the table toward me. He then told me to call that number and I can pay over the phone. I turned it over and discovered he liked chicken shawarmas, too.

So to pay a utility bill, you can't do it online. If it's not a massive bill, then a personal exchange won't work either. Instead, this guy wanted me to call it in. Maybe I should lick a stamp and do it the old-fashion way? Or send a smoke signal??

*   *   *

Two days later, I realized I was running very low on my meds. Really low, like I had one day's worth (Sorry, mom). So I pulled out my brand-new insurance card and hit the phones. After a few attempts, I was told I could just walk-in from 8am until noon the next day and a doctor would eventually see me.

When I got to the receptionist -- the only man in a very busy room -- he asked if I wanted to make an appointment. I said I didn't need an appointment and just needed a refill. I reluctantly pulled out my old medicine container, which was last filled at a neighborhood grocery store in Sterling, Virginia.

I figured it was a shot in the dark. A medicine container from another continent? He gave me a quick look and then politely asked me to sit down.

The place was full of busy Filipino nurses running around. They were the ones doing all the work. Within five minutes, even before I gave them my DOB, one of them grabbed me and escorted me to a doctor's office.

I was in and out of this place with my prescription filled in 30 minutes. It may have been a new record. Definitely faster than any time I've spent in a U.S. doctor's office. I didn't even have time to read the book I brought for the expected boredom.

And the final bill was less than the round-trip taxi fare from my apartment. I'm not sure if it's because the medical help here is that awesome or if I just have celebrity insurance. But it was pretty sweet.

See kids, it pays to live outside the United States. Now who wants a chicken shawarma?

Miranda

So the champagne was on ice and finally, the woman I had fallen in love with while living in the Caribbean was arriving in the Middle East to live with me.

The first five weeks I was in Abu Dhabi were memorable but very lonely. I started my job. I found us a place to live. But somehow, I was sure everything I knew about this city and my life here was about to change. At least that's what I predicted while I put on my most 'dapper' clothes and took a taxi to the airport.

Her flight was delayed, which gave me more time to pace around the modern Abu Dhabi airport where public displays of affection were somewhat overlooked. Ahh, the comings and goings of life. At the airport terminal. Probably one of the most-overplayed final scenes in any movie, besides the beach.

But this would not be the final scene to my Middle East experience but the opening act. How else would you explain it when the hairs stood up on the back of my neck the first second I saw this gorgeous woman walk through the electronic arrival doors and back into my life?

Yes, Miranda was a big reason why I knew we could take this Abu Dhabi challenge head on together. During our twilight on St. Thomas, we had many discussions on where our future was headed.

Then we had some more discussions. And a few more.

While in London, Detroit, and even in Toronto, we gabbed about our prospects, our priorities and our dreams.

Somehow, we ended up in this desert oasis, where tropical palm trees line the city streets and the dirhams don't get soggy in your bathing suit pocket while you canoodle at the swim-up pool bar.

I can say with certainty that if Miranda didn't want to or couldn't or wouldn't -- take your pick -- travel with me to Abu Dhabi, then this chapter in my life would have been passed over.

The fact is that we knew we couldn't live without each other and when you can recognize that, nothing else really matters. Having a cool job and living in a unique city on the other side of the world is just a bonus.

*   *   *

I apologize for the lapse in blogs. See, when Miranda came into town, everything did change (so much more for the better) and we started to explore right away.

In the meantime, we went on a desert safari, saw the camel races in person, visited the Emirates Palace (a few times) and discovered pristine beaches that would rival the finest in the Caribbean.

So I have some catching up to do and it starts right now...Cheers.

 

For your viewing pleasure

As Miranda and I sauntered through Marina Mall, one of the many gaudy retail fortresses that are peppered through out the city, I kept a keen eye on all the different signs.

First of all, malls – especially ones that look like circus space ships – usually make me nauseated. The lack of directories in this particular one frustrated me even further.

But on our way to the movie theatre, I took note of the signs because they had all your typical ones...

"Restrooms"

"Food Court"

"Prayer Room"

When we got to the "Cinema," there were many options. Unlike on the islands, where anything from Tyler Perry stayed in the theater for months, all the newest flicks were already out here.

We settled on Zero Dark Thirty, the new Kathryn Bigelow flick about the U.S. build-up to catching Osama Bin Laden and raiding his safe house in Pakistan.

So imagine this: We have two white people living in a Muslim country and watching a movie about an Islamic extremist who launched a Jihad against America, and the U.S. assault to take him down. Sounds pretty safe, right?

Well, tempers inside the theatre immediately boiled over when the fuzzy flick began and viewers were asked to put on their 3D glasses. The cinema guys messed up and started Life Of Pi, which opened with the pretty scene of a luscious forest.

"This doesn't look like Pakistan," I whispered to Miranda as pissed-off Emiratis went charging for the exit to try and correct the problem.

A few weeks earlier, I also saw Sean Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden, which was the junior-varsity version of the Bigelow flick but it also featured the rapper Xzibit and he wasn't pimping any rides in this one.

During that particular movie cinema experience, I was by myself and on top of that, I was the only white person in the theater. Once again, it was an interesting environment.

Now don't get me wrong, I love America but I'm not going to be one those guys who hoots and hollers when the Navy SEALs kick some ass on the big screen (especially while in a Muslim country). At the same time, I really didn't like seeing all those college kids cheering in front of the White House like it was New Year's Eve when the Bin Laden news broke.

After the movie ended both times, I have to admit there was a slightly-heightened sense of what I was doing and how even my body language may be read by those around me.

I think it all really comes down to respect.

If you don't have it, then visiting or living anywhere in this particular part of the world is not for you. Luckily, in the UAE, there is more tolerance and a bit more acceptance of Western culture, which clearly sets it apart from the rest of the Middle East.

That, and the malls. There's an indoor ski slope in one of the Dubai malls. But that's a story for another day.

Crazy views of Dubai

Who thinks they are so awesome because their cell phone can take a panoramic picture?

Don't be shy. I'm raising my hand, too.

If you're not afraid of heights then you have to check out this video:

I've only visited Dubai once so far but have marveled over it for years. At one time, more than 45 percent of all the construction cranes in the world were in Dubai as the city blew up into this metropolitan wonder land in the middle of the desert.

Construction has slowed down in recent years but the city planners still have their eyes set on the future. Who knows what will happen next.

If you really want to freak out, click on this LINK. I promise it will not disappoint.

Just a few days ago, even more light was shed on this landmark city as The National reported a story about new panoramic images that were now available online.

The footage is captured atop the Burj Khalifa, a tower in Dubai that is more than 2,715 feet tall and with over 160 stories, it is the tallest building in the world.

All hail the king!

So I took a casual day trip to Dubai last week to check out the sights and was enjoying a flat-out burn through the desert when it dawned on me: I live in one of those weirdo countries where they portray photos and statues of their political leaders everywhere.

A scary thought, indeed.

If people get bored with the scenery of a sandy horizon while driving, there's always time to pay homage to the founder of the country, Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan.

Jeez, is this where I live now? What kind of dictator runs this sand box? At what point did this vein tyrant and his loyal followers decide to plaster the highway with his image?

It briefly made me sick to my stomach. After I passed the huge picture of the late president, I closed my eyes for a few seconds and started to wonder.

Could I really live in a society like this? I didn't vote for this guy. In fact, no one did. 

Less than a mile down the road, I opened my eyes again and noticed the next highway picture. And then all my previous fears were put to rest...

Deserted city streets

So you want a little alone time in Abu Dhabi, huh?

My suggestion is to get up on Friday morning and go for a run or a light stroll through the city. It was only 8:30 a.m. today and I was completely alone on city streets that were usually full of cars driving erratically or honking and people walking around.

Remember that scene from Vanilla Sky?



Well, I just got back from an early-morning Friday run and if you replace the skyscrapers in Times Square with dusty apartment buildings half the size, the Vanilla Sky scene played out in my neighborhood this morning.

Except I didn't start screaming like a little bitch.

One of these days I'm going to realize that Friday and Saturday are considered the weekend here. That means the work week starts on Sunday, which has made me a sleepless vampire to start out each week because I have been forced to watch live NFL football at ungodly hours.

On Friday mornings, Abu Dhabi is a ghost town. I kind of like it but it still confused me.

I had to get right down to brass tacks.

"Hey, where is everybody?" I asked the annoying Starbucks barista, who always asks me way too many questions when I walk by.

"It's Friday my man, everyone is sleeping or staying at home," he barked back like I was some kind of oblivious tourist. "Would you like to try our double chocolate latte today?"

"No, leave me alone," I muttered and walked away.

So the expression T.G.I.F. means nothing here. "Thank Goodness It's Thursday" has a better ring to it anyway. Looks like someone has a case of the Sundays? Sounds like a joke a priest would say.
 

What up, dawg?

In the U.S. Virgin Islands, there is a large fear of dogs among the locals. When I walked down the street with my beautiful ladies, Hunter and Sydney, safely secured to a leash, West Indians walking toward me would gingerly cross the street to avoid a possible encounter with these snarling beasts...

The reason they came to mind is because yesterday was their seventh birthday. It feels like only last week when they were dropped off at my house in a laundry basket as they immediately found a special place in my heart.

So sappy. Yes, I know.

Each of them could fit in the palm of my hand back then. It was sort of a joke that I would actually accept them as pets in the first place. I was young, gave very little thought about it. But turns out, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

After terrorizing my neighborhood in Annapolis, Maryland for five years -- they made two separate appearances in the local dog pound -- they came with me to St. Thomas and embraced island life by killing countless iguanas.

Before my move to the Middle East, I did some research and it was almost not feasible to bring them to Abu Dhabi with me. The price just to fly them here was astronomical and if I stayed just a year or two, it wouldn't be worth it, financially.

Instead, these lovely ladies checked in for early retirement at my parents' home in Herndon, Virginia. They have a large backyard to run in and from what I've been told, they have not got into too much mischief.

Back in Abu Dhabi, I've been here almost a month and I have not seen a single dog. Zero.

I wanted to find out what was up with the lack of pets so I turned to a guidebook about this fair city: "It would be great if some newcomers had some sensitivity toward our culture, too. Our attitudes toward animals are not the same."

OK. I see you are open to discussion on the topic.

It continues: "We love animals but we usually keep them outside for hygienic reasons."

In the summer time, it gets upward of 110 degrees in Abu Dhabi. That is like parking my car in a sauna and leaving the windows up while my dogs are chilling in the backseat.

And finally, it closes with: "We respect all of God's creatures, even pigs, we just don't eat that particular animal."

Is that why there is no Outback Steakhouse?