Too fast, too furious

Meet my friend, Raheem.

He is made of plastic pipes and resembles a scarecrow. My long-bearded friend is the only thing between the heavy-foot drivers in Abu Dhabi and them hitting me with their cars while I go for morning jogs around the city.

Unfortunately, the crazy drivers in this town are not afraid of Raheem, nor do they adhere to his constant plea to slow down near busy intersections.

I know everyone claims -- and complains -- that their city has the worse drivers. But seriously, I have never seen such ridiculous behavior from behind the wheel until I came to this fair town. The UAE's capitol city has flat, long streets everywhere, which just invites reckless cab drivers and Fast and the Furious wannabes.

It is the only place in the world I have been where drivers will actually speed up when they see you trying to cross the street. I kid you not.

Some people say it's because they have not been driving here that long. When you think about it, the country is only 41 years old. And when rich, bored Emirates have nothing but Mercedes Benz and BMW toys in their joy-riding fleet, what do you expect?

The taxi drivers are another story. I understand the idea of getting you where you need to be fast but I need to take motion-sickness medication before I get in the car with some of these bastards.

"Dude, I'm not in a huge hurry," I told the cabbie this morning after he nearly clipped a pedestrian crossing the street. "You almost hit that guy. Take it easy."

"No problem, my man," he said, while he fidgeted with the radio and drove over 60 m.ph. on a city street.

I had just got out of the bank and was holding my fresh, discounted coffee. I decided to pull the driving test Uncle Phil, from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, used in the movie Licensed To Drive. You remember that little flick? If not, this is what I'm talking about.

Needless to say, the cabbie failed miserably. Some hot coffee spilled all over my crotch.

The cool thing is that cabbies are cheap here. The scary thing is that your life is on the line every time you jump in one. Just make sure to buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.